By Mindy Petranek
This story appears in the 5th Annual LIFTS Magazine, where Montana parents share honest experiences about connection, resilience, and the journey through early parenthood.
It can be challenging to make friends in your adult life. I can’t count the number of times I’ve tried to connect with people and then they don’t ever call back. I just really crave that community.
We live on a ranch, a cattle operation, so things run around the schedules of what’s happening at the time: calving, branding – ranching kind of stuff.
One Christmas, my husband got me a gift certificate to a pottery class. I was super excited, but when it came time for the class, calving had begun. He said he thought I’d be able to sneak away for a couple hours in the evenings, but when it came down to it, we couldn’t make it work. We didn’t have any childcare, and it was just too crazy of a time.
Sometimes you have to cancel plans, and do what maintains your livelihood.
I was stuck in a period of feeling really low and lonely, and didn’t know how to break the cycle. I started looking for resources and found a baby storytime in the nearest big town. So I took a chance.
My son had really long hair at the time, and one week this gal came up to me and complimented his hair. That’s all it took: just her kind openness to tell me it was okay that I was doing things differently.
The next week I went to the library again, and saw the same gal. I thanked her for what she’d said about my son’s hair. She told me she was starting a mom’s group, and invited me to join. We exchanged numbers, and that’s how I started going to the Bad Moms Group.
The name of the group either sparks an interest or people are turned off by it. I love the truth of it, cause as a mom there are so many moments where I feel like I’m botching the job.
The moms group was an hour’s drive away, and the first time I went I was nervous, but excited to be out of the house by myself, listening to music as loud as I wanted. I felt like I had a grip on a little of me. When you become a mom, you can lose yourself, and it’s all about figuring out how to reinvent.
The way the group works is you just show up. Each meeting starts with the mission statement: to create a safe space for mamas to share in order to gain understanding and compassion for ourselves and others. Zero judgment. No one is to repeat what we say here. No interrupting, and only give input if the person sharing welcomes it or is asking for advice.
Connecting with other women about the challenges of motherhood gave me reassurance, comfort, and camaraderie. It was so much better than just packing all of my feelings into a hole and telling myself that I’m tough enough to handle it. A friend in the group once said to me, you’re always so tough – do you ever get tired of being tough?
A moms group can help you find a better head space, which will be tenfold worth it for yourself and your family. You can’t understand how much you need that outlet till you’re on your drive home and thinking: oh, I feel like me again.
Just stick with it and go out of your comfort zone. It will be worth it. A little bit of discomfort will help you grow.
Stories like this remind us that finding connection can make all the difference. If you’re looking for parenting support, mental health resources, or ways to connect with other families, visit HMHB-LIFTS.org.
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